Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
