Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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