Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
