You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We need to rekindle our bromance
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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