Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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