East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
