Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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