found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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