I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
