whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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