She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
