Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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