THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just cropdusted the office
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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