You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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