I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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