Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
