I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
