He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
