Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
