well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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