dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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