fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
