after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
