wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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