your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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