I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
