those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
