Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
