Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
