I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
