I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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