I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
