Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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