I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
