I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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