We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
