I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
