So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
