i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
