doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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