So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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