one two three fourrrrnication!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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