She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
