You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
