I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
