I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
