You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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