Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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