I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
