Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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