you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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