Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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