I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
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I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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