final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
