just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
