I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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