Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she peed on how many people?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
