Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I AM VODKA MAN
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
