I wanna bring you to show and tell
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize