I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
