Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
