in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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