Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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