i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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