fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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