my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
