I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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