There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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