I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
