Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
