Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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