Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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