I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
