I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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